At Home On Piety Hill

From the Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk

Don’t you love Tina Fey’s portrayal of Sarah Palin? So do I. It was fun watching Palin on Saturday Night Live and it’s cool that she’s such a good sport about their spoofs on her and the family. Check out this response in her recent People Magazine interview:

Interviewer: Tina Fey plays you sort of bubble-headed. You obviously –

Sarah Palin: That’s funny, I play her bubble-headed, too, when I imitate her.

I’m still, um, looking, uh, forward to SNL’s political satire of, uuuuuh, the Obama Presidency and that whiney first-lady, Michelle Marie-Antoinette Obama.

The Promised One has come and the children sing His praises:

Others recite His creed:

Religious leaders say He’s the Messiah:

Would you like to host an Obama Camp at your school or in your living room? The Virginia Education Association may be able to assist you with the help of their dues paying members and taxpayers… whatever it takes to get the message out.

What kind of hate am I listening to? That was the question I posed and answered in an earlier post. I listen to Rush Limbaugh regularly and I wouldn’t consider his program to be hateful unless sarcasm, analysis of current events, critique of opposing views, parody and the expression of strongly held opinions constitutes “hate.” If that were the case, Rush would be numbered among such notable haters as Garrison Keillor, Mark Twain, Al Franken and Will Rogers. The Simpsons, South Park and Saturday Night Live would be justly condemned as vehicles of bigotry, if Rush’s show is judged to be offensive. Why do I listen to Rush?

First, his show comes on at just the right time, while my hands are busy and my ears and mind are free. He’s the most professional talk-show host out there, regardless of ideology, and he’s generally funnier than the rest of the pack. The fact that Al Franken has enjoyed phenomenal success as a comic writer does not seem to translate to laughs on his radio show, while Rush is much funnier on air than he is in print. Go figure.

I started listening before the Web existed and I tuned in to hear him read news and comment on articles or opinion pieces in publications like the New York Times, Washington Post, The New Republic, The Nation and others. If anything captured my attention, I would go to the library and check out other literature on the subject. His show was a catalyst for me and it still is. He seems to have a real knack for identifying issues and trends which resonate with a vast number of Americans, across a wide spectrum of political or social viewpoints.

I found a site I like, i am chief, and they have a one-time offer which I found irresistable: Insurrection Eggs. It tickeled me because it’s a parody of a radio program I listen to every morning as I’m sorting the mail at work. In fact, it was concieved by one of the hosts of the show, Family Life. I hope you enjoy Aaron’s blog and a little taste of Arkansas.

I found this band, Warrior, while doing an image search for a Bible study. “Let’s see now… Google Image, punch in ’sword.’” This image came up and I thought to myself, “these guys get to wear some awesome costumes!” I checked out their site, listened to I Want A Walmart Girl and I was hooked!

I called them up immediately and asked for an audition. That’s me on the left jamming with Mike Goodnight, the bass player. I’m pretty much a blues player, but I thought if I could don the leather and “get into character,” I could pull it off. No dice. All was not lost… what they were really looking for was a drummer, so…

I kept the wig, but lost the leathers and makeup (see photo on the left). We covered a few Stryper compositions, because we all knew the tabs and lyrics, plus they really are the reigning kings of Christian metal. Again, I found myself treading new artistic ground. These guys have their own unique brand of sophisticated metal, they sing some amazingly rigorous harmonies and, well, I tend to “play it like Ringo would.” As much as I hate to admit it, I couldn’t keep up.

The guys in the band were swell about the whole thing, even though we didn’t gel, artistically. We had some good laughs, some serious theological discussions and they turned me onto a great leather outfitter in Pennsylvania. The de facto leader of the band, Tad Donley, was kind enough to point me to another band, where an artist like myself with limited musical abilities, yet decent Biblical expositional skills, might find a home. These guys, it turns out, aren’t so focused on instrumental virtuosity. Instead, they have crafted their own brand of theatrical, Bible-based shock-metal to carry the comforting message of the gospel to a wider audience. Angry Little Freaks or “ALF” are lining up a tour of family theme parks this spring and I hope, by God’s grace, to be up to speed and on board with this evangelistic troupe.

My Way News: “Bush meets Dalai Lama, ignoring China’s objections

Nov 9, 4:08 PM (ET)

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush met at the White House on Wednesday with the Dalai Lama, exiled spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists, ignoring objections from China… The private meeting with the president and the first lady came one day after the Bush administration named China a serious violator of religious freedom in a report to Congress. ‘We’ve made our views very clear when it comes to our support for religious freedom… And we will continue to speak out on those issues,’ said White House spokesman Scott McClellan… Wednesday’s meeting was Bush’s third with the Dalai Lama. Next week Bush is due to visit Beijing and hold talks with Chinese President Hu Jintao.

Bush has really bungled things recently, so it’s no wonder he’s courting fundamentalist Buddhists to prop up his religious base. Of course, this will infuriate secularists like Michael Newdow, the ACLU, the communist Chinese, national socialists, grant writers, the California Teachers Association and other repressive groups. Homosexual activists have also been enraged by the Dalai Lama’s pronouncement that gay sex “…is considered sexual misconduct; meaning that homosexuality is acceptable for society, but not in Buddhism or for Buddhists.” George just keeps steppin’ in it.

The girls and I were returning from our drive in the country, flying down NC Hwy 421, loaded down with apples and keeping our eyes peeled for barbecue joints (down by the lake? T Bone Burnett, anyone?) A sign caught my eye: “Books 75% Off.” It was hoisted prominently over the 421 Flea Market.
This flea market (or “swap meet” in southern California vernacular) was deceptively ginormous. There were tables and pickup trucks laid out over a large field, selling used treasures from clothes to martial arts weapons and country home décor to GUNS! What appeared to be storage or industrial buildings at the rear of the property housed the actual flea market! There were hundreds of stalls displaying the tackiest junk I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know such junk existed.
Emma was understandably mortified and we could barely walk the rows, alternating between uproarious laughter and stunned disbelief. It was beyond any caricature of the south I have ever seen or heard. I think we were literally in shock for the first ten minutes before I regained my composure and began snapping these photos.
My favorite vendors were Appalachia’s answer to Restoration Hardware, Garris Gifts (did someone drop the H?) and the hillbilly chiropractor… very professional, indeed. The Hispanic community represented here was the largest I’ve seen since my youth in East Los Angeles… who would have known that I would have to go across the country to the hollows of North Carolina to find myself at home.
I’ll let the photos speak for themselves and will be happy to field any questions or comments concerning the objects d’arts on display.

October 6, 2005
Theologians debate message of Katrina
By RICHARD N. OSTLING
Associated Press Writer

New York’s Union Theological Seminary began the academic year with an explosive speech by Bill Moyers, late of PBS and CBS television, who was introduced as ‘the most respected journalist in America.’

“Most respected journalist?” Says who? Dan Rather? Union Seminary sure has slipped since the golden days of Bonhoeffer, Barth and Tillich! And, what are they doing mixing religion with politics? Perhaps Mahatma Moyers will enlighten us.

‘The country is not yet a theocracy but the Republican Party is,’ Moyers charged.

“Etymology: Greek theokratia, from the- + -kratia -cracy
1 : government of a state by immediate divine guidance or by officials who are regarded as divinely guided. ”

Wait just a minute… he must have the Republicans confused with that other party… the party that ran a failed seminary student for President… the party of the Reverend Al Sharpton and the Reverend Jesse Jackson. And, let’s not forget the Bible totin’ Senator and President Clinton. The former First Lady used to communicate with the departed spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt… would that qualify as divine guidance?

‘Democracy is in peril.’ He compared conservative Christian activists with Muslim terrorists who can cite ‘many verses in the Quran’ as grounds ‘for waging war for God’s sake.’ America’s ‘homegrown ayatollahs,’ he stated, are deceitful bullies whose ‘viral intolerance’ undergirds ‘an unprecedented sectarian crusade for state power’ and ‘political holy war financed by wealthy economic interests.’

Please allow me to translate Mr. Moyer’s bigoted, progressive patois: Tolerance is the only remaining virtue with one exception: there will be no tolerance for the Christian who doesn’t know his place… the closet. Those Christians who take their faith out into the neighborhood, the school, the court, the public forum, medicine, the arts and to skid row are intolerable.

Moyers cited the incredible devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina and linked this with the Genesis flood. He noted that millions of conservatives believe the biblical teaching that God brought the deluge to punish human sin and also accept ‘God-ordered genocide’ elsewhere in the Old Testament. His point: It’s dangerous to ‘read the Bible as literally true,’ and liberals must resist those holding that belief.

It sounds as if Mr. Moyers is the danger to democracy and the sad thing is that, he’s so deluded by years of fawning and veneration by his colleagues, he doesn’t even know how pathetic he sounds. He debased PBS and CBS; now he’s defiled Union Seminary!

Now, here’s something you don’t often find. But, our friend, (we’ll call her “Jay” to protect her identity from blog trolls and design stalkers), is always showering us with bits of thoughtful vintage technology. This is a rare 1958 prototype of the device, which would iterate and reiterate into the modern PalmPilot. Most people are unaware that personal digital assistants or PDAs (as those of us in the industry refer to them) have been around for some time. Originally, “personal” referred to the fact that you could keep them in a purse or pocket and “digital” denoted the method of searching through the tiny contact cards with your fingers or “digits.” Later, when the miniaturization of transistors and digital (as in 1s and 0s) consumer electronics really took off, makers of these handy gadgets were thrilled to be able to retain the original “digital” label for the “mobile Rolodex.” The interface moved over time from contacts being hand written on durable card stock, to information recorded on interactive touch screen LCDs. Most busy professionals and “techies” embraced the newer technology, but there remains a loyal following of Luddites, who prefer to record their important personal information with a Sharpie on a ‘58 Palm.

No account of the evolution of the modern PDA would be complete without mentioning that Palm was actually the “Johnny come lately” to the conception and original design of these wonders of technology. Two prominent PDA pioneers were Go Corporation and Apple Computer (Apple’s iNewton is pictured with the familiar logo). The iNewton was the first PDA ever to go into production, but it was plagued by ink “blotting” and smearing of the contact records, due to an inferior finish on the contact record cards. Apple sunk millions of dollars into the development of the iNewton, but it was doomed from the start. When Palm entered the market, they were able to build upon the foundation laid down by Go and Apple. Some say that the ‘58 Palm bears an uncanny resemblance to Apple’s first entry into the market and maintain that the Palm is nothing more than a cheap iNewton knockoff. iNewton users continue meeting in user groups, where they exchange custom accessories for their aging PDAs and speculate about how and when Steve Jobs will transform the humble iNewton into the PDA of the next millenium.

GULF COAST GRIMLY COUNTS ITS LOSSES / Officials fear thousands killed by Katrina / MISSISSIPPI: In shattered town, man and dog survive ride of a lifetime: “GULF COAST GRIMLY COUNTS ITS LOSSES Officials fear thousands killed by Katrina MISSISSIPPI: In shattered town, man and dog survive ride of a lifetime Peter Fimrite, Chronicle Staff Writer Monday, September 5, 2005

Waveland, Miss. — Brian Mollere looked Hurricane Katrina right in the eye, thumbed his nose and lived to tell the tale. The 50-year-old marine construction worker was one of several residents of the Mississippi beachfront town of Waveland to ignore evacuation warnings and survive. He did it by swimming off the roof of his home as it collapsed in the storm surge. He then rode a torrent of water over the tops of trees 1,000 feet inland before he managed to grab onto a house. And all the while he was holding onto his beloved pet Chihuahua, Rocky… Mollere, who ignored pleas from his family and local police, said he decided to ride out the storm with Rocky inside the two-story storefront/home across the street from city hall that he shared with his mother.

He said he woke up at 6 a.m. that day to howling winds and flying debris. By 6:30 a.m., whitecaps were breaking down Coleman Avenue, the city’s main street. Shortly after 7 a.m., a downstairs wall blew out and water rushed in. Forced to the second floor, Mollere and his dog watched as the house filled with 12 feet of water. He climbed out onto the roof of the first floor after the stairway collapsed and the building started shaking.

As the building collapsed, he plunged into the water.

“I figured, well, maybe I’ll just ride it out,” he said, leaning back in a chair on the concrete slab that is the only thing left of his house and puffing on a cigarette. “I was in survival mode.” Holding Rocky with one hand, he maneuvered past debris and the tops of trees, losing a shoe and his shorts in the process. “I’d climb in, out and around trees. I was going over power lines and got tangled in some power lines once,” he said. “I was really afraid of getting electrocuted.”

The flow took him over the railroad tracks. At one point he heard someone shouting and looked up to see people waving from a rooftop. “I just kind of smiled and waved and pointed to indicate that I was going thisaway,” he said. “Finally I came to a big yellow house and grabbed onto the side and pulled myself up the back steps.” To his shock, a family opened the door, fed him and clothed him. “The first thing I said to them was, ‘Can I get some water for my dog?’ ” he said. “Then I just collapsed in their house.”

Mollere’s mother, Jane Mollere, 80, died in the hurricane. She had evacuated Waveland and went to stay with relatives in an inland town. But their house was flooded, and she couldn’t swim to safety.

As for his own salvation, he said, “I guess it wasn’t my time to go.”

Besides, he added, “my father, Charles Brewster Mollere, floated down the same street during Hurricane Camille in 1969 in a flower barrel. He swore that he saw a white horse swimming that day and followed it to safety. I guess it runs in the family.”

The Shallow End: Penn founders. September 5, 2005. ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corp): “Penn founders

By Rebecca Keating. Posted: Monday, September 5 2005 .

Rescue founders: Penn is clearly a better actor than he is a sailor. (Photo: AFP)

Sean Penn’s attempt to sail to the rescue of young victims of Hurricane Katrina has foundered.

The actor apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of his boat, which began to take on water as soon as it was launched.

Things then got worse - the boat’s motor failed and those on board had to start rowing.

And then the final straw: bystanders eyeing off the massive entourage on the boat - it even included a personal photographer for Penn - taunted the actor.

‘How are you going to get any people in that thing?’

I bet the relief teams are hoping other do-good stars stick to what they know.”

An Unnatural Disaster: A Hurricane Exposes the Man-Made Disaster of the Welfare State
by Robert Tracinski
Sep 02, 2005

It has taken four long days for state and federal officials to figure out how to deal with the disaster in New Orleans. I can’t blame them, because it has also taken me four long days to figure out what is going on there. The reason is that the events there make no sense if you think that we are confronting a natural disaster.

If this is just a natural disaster, the response for public officials is obvious: you bring in food, water, and doctors; you send transportation to evacuate refugees to temporary shelters; you send engineers to stop the flooding and rebuild the city’s infrastructure. For journalists, natural disasters also have a familiar pattern: the heroism of ordinary people pulling together to survive; the hard work and dedication of doctors, nurses, and rescue workers; the steps being taken to clean up and rebuild.

Public officials did not expect that the first thing they would have to do is to send thousands of armed troops in armored vehicle, as if they are suppressing an enemy insurgency. And journalists–myself included–did not expect that the story would not be about rain, wind, and flooding, but about rape, murder, and looting.

But this is not a natural disaster. It is a man-made disaster.

The man-made disaster is not an inadequate or incompetent response by federal relief agencies, and it was not directly caused by Hurricane Katrina. This is where just about every newspaper and television channel has gotten the story wrong.

The man-made disaster we are now witnessing in New Orleans did not happen over the past four days. It happened over the past four decades. Hurricane Katrina merely exposed it to public view.

The man-made disaster is the welfare state.

This journalist goes on to put into words what many have expressed to me, in disjointed declarations and anecdotes, after days of reporting on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina’s devastation of New Orleans.

I, too, have seen this contrast personally as devastating fires and floods have ravaged our part of the state of Californina over the past twenty years. During the 49er Fire in September of 1988, friends and neighbors banded together to evacuate folks in the deadly path and housed displaced families. I can remember driving in a caravan of pickups to Rough and Ready, where we loaded a house of furniture, while flames were topping the nearest ridge. Everyone pulled together and Nevada County was strengthened. By the way, just weeks before the fire, I had given a ride to the hitchhiking transient, who started the fire by burning toilet paper at his camp on someone else’s property.

The flood of 1997 showed me a different side of the community, when someone threatened to “blow up” government property, because his food stamps were late coming up to communities in the foothills from Marysville. Later, I was explaining to someone that the food stamps were late, because county workers had been allowed to go home and evacuate their families from the rising flood waters in Linda. This “ward of the state” responded, “Don’t they know we live from check to check up here?” That was my epiphany; I realized that there was a mob of people who thought their receipt of a couple hundred bucks of county assistance takes priority over hard working people getting their loved ones, pets and family treasures out of the destructive path of the raging Yuba River.

I think this author is correct: no amount of institutional or government preparedness could have saved New Orleans from the man-made disaster, which built up over four decades of harmful, enabling government policy.

I was cheered to fing that Sadie’s irritated with this nonsense, as well… I’m glad so many folks are seeing right through this sort of childish, scripted… it’s just so tedious… it’s so 70’s.

No sooner than I get rolling again and a widely published poet, Mishegas Master, drops in with one of the most incoherent rants I’ve seen in a while. Of course, I’ve never claimed to “get” poetry, so maybe it’s time to get back to school, so I can decipher “opaque comments that would bug most people” (to quoet a poet I do “get”). Anyway, here’s the comment, with my responses interlaced with the rage :

you fascist

Hmmm. That’s original. Let me see… a fascist would advocate fascism; from the Italian fascismo, from fascio or “bundle:” a political philosophy, movement, or regime that advocates a centralized autocratic government, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.

That sounds a lot like modern liberalism and the institutions they control, such as the academy, social welfare and the arts. Econonic and social regimentation cannot occur in a free market society, where individual freedoms, such as property rights, are cherished. Rather, history has shown that fascism incubates and thrives in socialist states (Germany and Italy) or Shinto and Buddhist countries (Japan, Cambodia, China, etc.).

For example:

nazi

No, I am not now and never have been a National Socialist or Nazi. I lean to the right politically, so I think socialism is a dangerous system, which may actually be a form of incipient fascism.

jesus disciple pig!

Ah, now we get to the real issue. It’s Jesus… it always is. Here, the writer is obligated to condescend to me; “I don’t have a problem with Jesus, it’s his followers I hate.” That’s a pretty disingenuous argument… Jesus said that if people receive Him, they will receive His disciples. If they reject His disciples, the reject Him. Jesus doesn’t disown his followers, who are pigs like me:

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” Romans 15:1 - 3

And, Jesus welcomes non-Christian pigs, too!

how dare you criticize helen thomas, just because she doesn’t agree with your politics!

Now here’s a fine example of the fascist attitude… “How dare [I] criticize…” In this poet’s world, I have to “dare to criticize,” because I am not an enlightened progressive. The intelligentsia are untouchable… they are above criticism by someone like myself, from the lower castes.

If you will notice, however, I critiqued Helen’s boorish conduct… She acts like my kids did, when they were thirteen (and the way I did until I was about twenty). It’s pathetic to see a person, advanced in years with an illustrious past in journalism, regressing to the behavior of one of those teens at the mall wearing a “Porn Star” tee-shirt.

are you a former burnt out reporter that holds grudges simply because you couldn’t advance in your illustrious media career?

Huh? Do I look like a reporter?

your simple minded view of the world is typical of the way most of you republicans think.

Wrong again… I’m a Democrat. I suppose this poet lives in the black and white world where, if you critique someone who makes a fool of themselves attacking Bush, you must be a Republican.

if cheney were to run in 2008,

That was part of the joke… my bad. Cheney will not run in 2008 and I don’t know why Thomas doesn’t know that. The man’s heart is a ticking time-bomb and he’s made it clear, this is his last Civil Service job.

the only way he could win is if the party steals the election by rigging machines and paying off big-city crime bosses to count dead citizens like they did ohio in 2004!!!

I think this person confused the urban legends of voter fraud in Ohio in 2004 with the historical episode in Chicago, when JFK won the presidency with votes cast by dead people.

ps-you spell borscht this way, not the way you spelled it. if you’re going to represent the media online, at least learn how to spell words properly, you twit!!!

Okay, so I may be a twit. But, I checked my post and I spelled borscht, b-o-r-s-c-h-t. Unless I’m missing something, we used the identical spelling. Is there some inflection or emphasis a poet would add to this word, when spoken, that I should have indicated? Or, did the widely published poet read my post with such blinding anger and hatred for my ideological bent, that it rendered him/her dyslexic for one brief moment? This person may want to take up writing or some other therapeutic pursuit.

Well, it looks as if Helen Thomas’ off the cuff remarks set off a flurry of filings by Republican exploratory committees across the country, seeking to gauge what kind of support they might find for a Dick Cheney presidential bid in 2008.

Albert Eisele in a column he wrote for The Hill: The Newspaper for and about the U.S. Congress, quoted Thomas:

Calling him “the most powerful vice president in recent times, perhaps in U.S. history,” she said that Cheney “certainly could campaign on the theme that he has had experience in running the White House.”

“The day I say Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I’ll kill myself. All we need is one more liar.” She says I shouldn’t have quoted her “because we all say stuff we don’t want printed.”

Thomas has the reputation among the cloistered and incestuous Washington press as the dean of the White House press corps. The rest of us find her antics at White House press briefings irritating, sophomoric and rude. She and those other self-important windbags, Walter Cronkite and Daniel Schorr, should consider aging gracefully out of the public eye, rather than flailing around in a panic, as they watch their ideological achievements being systematically dismantled by a new, better informed generation of news consumers. The 6 O’clock News, broadcasting the same borscht over three networks, has lost its monopoly. Their glory days are over.

While I think it is an important feature of a civilized society to render respect to elderly ladies and gentlemen, cranky old coots, who continually inject themselves into the public discourse via the media, push news and opinion seekers beyond the breaking point and open themselves up to ridicule. After Thomas labeled Condoleeza Rice a “monster” and a “… g–damn liar,” Ann Coulter derisively referred to her as “that old Arab” and now thousands are hoping Helen will make good on her “campaign promise” in 2008.

I remember the day when older folks, like my grandmother, would correct angry teenagers and undisciplined children for that kind of talk or behavior. Now, it seems that the elderly among us are the sullen, foul-mouthed hotheads, seeking validation and significance.

Poll: Fewer People Link Islam, Violence

By WILL LESTER
Associated Press Writer

July 26, 2005, 4:14 PM EDT

WASHINGTON — The percentage of Americans who believe Islam is more likely than other religions to inspire violence has declined in the past two years, according to a poll taken after the London bombings. Just over a third, 36 percent, now say the Islamic religion is more likely to inspire violence, while 44 percent said that in July 2003, according to the poll conducted by the Pew Research Center and the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life.

Pollsters are still mystified by an unexplainable plunge in the collective IQ of many Americans over the past two years. This trend is expected to continue, as long as the education cartel remains in the hands of ivory-tower academics, education lobbies and teacher’s unions. The good news is that, if the terrorists eventually win out, oversight of American educational institutions will no longer remain in the hands of ivory-tower academics, education lobbies and teacher’s unions!

In a previous post about Muslim terrorism, Brits Get A Wake-Up Call, I attributed London terrorist bombings to British Muslim’s disgust with western culture and a faithful reading of the Qur’an. I may have to take that back after reading this story in Ireland On-Line:

Would-be bomber was on benefits
26/07/2005 - 11:38:06
One of the would-be suicide bombers who tried to blow up a London Tube train last Thursday had been given thousands of pounds in British taxpayers’ money. Yasin Hassan Omar, 24, was given £75 (€108.70) a week in housing benefit to pay for the one-bedroom flat where he has been the registered tenant since February 1999. His housing benefit stopped in May.

It looks as if this fellow may have been evicted from “the projects” by “the man.” Coddled by years of liberal handouts, he reacted like his counterparts across the pond and took his frustrations out by trying to blow up the neighborhood.

This raises another question: How do we deal with this new kind of terrorist: the benefits bomber? Rather than bunking him with his more competent brethren down at Gitmo, where he would likely learn more destructive behaviors, how about years of group therapy around readings from Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in Your Work and in Your Life. That’ll surely stop the violence.

I am so grateful to live in a community, where we enjoy state of the art medicine. I turned 50 this year and went in for my very first colonoscopy. I’m feeling fine, but it’s a good idea for men my age to be examined for colorectal cancer or other disease. Here we are in the year 2005 and I find it hard to believe that most people undergoing this test will still be subjected to the barbaric colonscope, a long flexible tubular instrument inserted into the rectum and poked around the colon, while the doctor watches on a remote video device.

Our doctor, on the other hand, has been trained in the latest hands-on technologies and this has been a boon for patients, who suffer less discomfort during the procedure and receive a much more thorough exam. This is how it works. The doctor and one or two assistants board a submarine- like probe (pictured below), which is miniaturized and inserted painlessly and effortlessly into the rectum. Once inside, the nuclear powered colorectal vehicle begins its ascent up into the colon for the exam.

.

I arrived at the doctor’s office a bit late and found the gastrologist and one of the nurses waiting for me in the examination room. They were already suited up and ready for the procedure.

Within minutes, the doctor and his crew were seated in the probe and awaiting the miniaturization process. This takes about ten minutes and the actual insertion just takes a little push from a technician in the room.

Once inside the colon, the doctor and nurse(s) leave the probe with their instruments to explore the organ for polyps, perforations, evidence of infection or other anomalies. Although I followed my prep routine to the letter, it seems there was still a bit of the Vietnamese bun vermicelli I had for lunch Tuesday attached to the colon wall. So, it was a bit more work than they are used to, hacking their way through some very tough rice noodles.

The procedure went well and it looked as if I have a healthy colon, but they did find a few polyps, which they had to cauterize after clipping them for biopsy:

I sure hope they’re benign.

All in all, the procedure was painless on my part. The doctor and crew were able to exit just as easily as they had entered and after a bit of cleanup, were returned to their normal size to give me the results.

You know, at my age I sometimes feel as if I’ve seen it all. Something that was once science fiction is now a commonplace medical procedure.

To those serious Star Wars fans out there, please believe me when I say, I mean no disrespect and I admit up front that there are some days I just shouldn’t go see a film (like that ill fated, rainy evening I viewed The Thin Red Line, but that’s another blistering post). The problem is, I usually don’t recognize I’m in one of my “moods,” until about ten minutes into the movie and by then, it’s too late.

I’m sure the Revenge of the Sith is a fine film, but there were so many elements of the movie that I just found distracting or annoying and I couldn’t get past them. Let’s get it over with. Here’s what bugged me:

1. The first thing I noticed was this large aerial battle with about fifty million different craft and drones and space junk flying all over the place. It was just too much: an ostentatious show of what a pre-teen mind would produce if he could get his hands on the hardware at Industrial Light & Magic. This is a distraction, which would surface over and over again as the film played out.
2. That leads me to the next major distraction: since we were viewing the film long after its release, the Del Oro had moved it into one of the smaller, cheesier, side theaters. Admit it… when you go to see a Star Wars adventure, you arrive with certain expectations. The most important part of the experience will be visual special effects, then high quality sound, followed by lots of action, interesting story, then perhaps some decent characters and, finally, some fairly believable dialogue (actually, I never expect that last one, but it would be icing on the cake). Here’s the problem…the SOUND WAS DREADFUL! It was stereo, from the screen with maybe a little low end going on, but that’s it. No surround! What? Star Wars – no surround? Barbaric. I literally sat through the movie, hearing the rear speakers of the big auditorium on the other side of our screen reverberating with the state-of-the-art sound from the new Batman film. I was thinking to myself, “I wish we’d gone to see Batman instead.” Perhaps the Revenge of the Sith will be redeemed when viewed at home in Dolby surround, with volume up to 11.
3. Okay, so we’ve lost the sound… There’s still the special effects to salvage the movie. Wrong. As I mentioned, I was immediately struck by the sheer volume of “really cool” fighters and stuff flying around in the opening scenes. But, sooner or later they had to land and that would lead to another tedious nuisance. Every time they landed somewhere, droids would walk, fly or roll out to greet them or to unload things and then I noticed that they were all different. It’s like I was viewing some crazy advanced culture, where they could come up with expensive, ingenious prototypes of every kind of robot imaginable, but somehow couldn’t master the simple technologies involved in standardization or mass production. Maybe none of these droids were as successful as, say, the clones or R2D2 or the protocol droids and that’s why they were consigned to be set “extras” in a Lucas space flick. Or, the more likely explanation is that the adolescent special effects guys at IL&M couldn’t resist piling on one more magnificent droid creation.
4. Lest you think I’m off on this, check out the dizzying array of intergalactic species, who/which/what are piled into every crowd scene or greeting of the senate or whatever. The original bar scene, way back in the olden days, was an appropriate, light-hearted venue to show off the different kinds of extraterrestrials the guys on the story board or in the “special effects” department brainstormed. It was a bar, a watering hole, set to a “frontier motif.” It was great… once! We don’t need the “bar scene” trotted out multiple times in every episode. The Jedi council compounded the distraction and I found myself harboring some very intolerant and uncharitable thoughts towards the masters. Here’s one example.
5. When the guys in the Jedi council are discussing serious matters, I found myself cracking up as I scanned the “august body.” I completely lost it when the camera panned to the guy who looks like an elderly version of Beldar the Conehead from Saturday Night Live. I mean, really. He even carries himself like Dan Akroyd would, leading me to believe there’s something common to the conehead makeup or getup, that makes you walk stiffly and turn your whole body, when you have to look in another direction. And, this is the sad part. When Order 66 (or whatever it was) was issued and the normally hapless storm troopers with poor weapons skills, start effectively and methodically assassinating the Jedi masters (another story problem), I found myself anxiously anticipating Jedi Knight Beldar getting zapped and let out a muffled cheer, when he finally got whacked. For once, I found myself sympathizing with the storm troopers.
6. Speaking of Jedi gaffs and guffaws. Did anyone else find it just plain wrong to have a wise-cracking Obi-Wan Kenobi in the film? I mean, when Han Solo rolled his eyes and clowned around in the good old days, it was appropriate… he was playing a rebel, a galactic James Dean of sorts. But, Obi-Wan yucking it up with young Anakin, after crash landing half a space ship, burning from reentry, with firecraft squirting it with foam at roughly 200 MPH, taking out at least one control tower containing hundreds of expensive droids (all unique prototypes of course) and probably hundreds of computer generated beings, representing scores of species… then, to jump out of the ship cracking jokes? Perhaps the Emperor was doing the universe a favor when he dissolved the council.
7. Which leads me to Anakin’s move to the dark side. If I were tortured by the stilted, boring, pedantic lectures Anakin was subjected to by Obi-Wan and the Samuel Jackson Jedi character, I would have been driven to the dark side myself. There’s nothing worse than a robed, wisecracking, monkish Al Gore type, wagging his finger and droning moral lessons with a first grade vocabulary. My light saber would be out of its holster in a flash and I would be decapitating every one of those hooded, inter-galactic Mr. Rogers characters!
8. I was emotionally flat-lined through the entire film until the Emperor stooped to the lowest level any space scum could possible descend to. Yes, one scene brought me to life and filled me with a bit of righteous indignation. The final irritant in the movie I can only describe as Muppet abuse. When the Emperor started picking on poor Yoda, the little fella had my sympathy. I revived, leaned forward in my theater seat, brushed off the popcorn debris and my lower lip began trembling with emotion (you know, like Stimpy’s did whenever he experienced some passion). But, my indignation turned to quiet laughter as I watched the little Yoda puppet figure sail through the air, slam up against the wall, and fall limply to the floor, as I had seen so many Muppet figures tossed about on their television show, 25 years ago. You know the drill: the Chef or Beaker would blow something up and the Muppet puppeteers would throw their puppets, arms and legs flailing across the set. Yes, that was funny on the Muppet Show, but in a dramatic film? It didn’t work for me. I looked at Denise and said, “You know, Yoda needs a cane just to get around… how will he even be able to move after being catapaulted against that metal bulkhead with the full force of the Emperor?” Yet, miraculously… well, you know the rest and it’s just not believable.

Am I being a little too harsh on Mr. Lucas, the creative crew or the cast? I don’t think so. I made about a dozen wisecrack observations to Denise throughout the film and normally she would shsssssh me. During the Revenge of the Sith, she either responded in hushed verbal agreement or the matter-of-fact “Joe Friday” look.

I was scanning the AM radio the other day and heard what I thought was Lisa Douglas, of Green Acres fame, talking about a blog she was launching with the help of some of her Hollywood friends. After a few moments, waiting to hear how Lisa lined up so many luminaries to address such topics as “life in Hootersville,” “cosmeteticals” and “hotscakes,” the host of the AM radio show broke in to give out the URL to Arianna Huffington’s new blog, Arianna Online!

Boy, did I feel like a dope. I could have sworn it was Eva Gabor in character as Lisa. Well, I went on to listen to Arianna bubbling on about her vision for a progressive blog to rival Drudge (which I never thought of as a blog), featuring Walter Cronkite, Warren Beatty, Gwyneth Paltrow and other policy experts. I have visited her blog a couple of times now… It is nicely laid out, but as far as I can see, it is a collection of her old columns… perhaps the other voices are buried somewhere, but I can’t find them for the life of me.

Arianna Online has been roundly panned and I am left to wonder who concocted the idea of putting Arianna, Walter Cronkite or Gary Hart forward as the “new face” of progressive populism. I’m guessing it was the same saavy political strategist who came up with the idea of “getting out the youth vote” in 2004 by touring John Kerry around the country with the “big-hair 80’s” crooner Bon Jovi and fellow Jersey rocker Bruce Springsteen; hardly the kind of guys to appeal to twenty-something voters listening to drum-n-bass, hard trance, hip-hop or even the Killers.

Well, we’ll have to see how it pans out. For now, I’ll spend my time reading Sadico Junction for society and women’s issues, culturezoo for (what else) opinions on culture, average joe for business news and, of course, NC Media Watch for Russ’ wonderful in-depth examination of local politics.

I began my first in-depth study of The Apocalypse this week and I think I have some insights and revelations of my own, concerning the identity of the Antichrist and the Beast of Revelation 13.

First, let me say that Dan (the guy to the left of Macaulay Culkin) is not the Beast, nor is his friend, Michael Jackson, the Antichrist. Of that, I’m relatively certain. However, I’m not so sure about this character, King Juan Carlos of Spain:

You see, he’s been fingered as the Man of Lawlessness by a number of “prophecy experts,” most notably Chuck Missler and Jon Courson. As a supplement to my serious study in Revelation, I began listening to tapes by these erudite Bible teachers (so-called) in order to gain insight into the strategic trends, which are preparing the world to bow to the control of this spellbinding, power hungry, dynamic, world dictator.

I found a tape of Jon Courson’s Prophecy Update for 1993 and he made a number of predictions about the things to come. Among them:

• King Juan Carlos of Spain, King of Jerusalem, is probably the Antichrist
• The generation, which began with the settlement of Israel in the land, will see the second coming of Jesus to establish His millennial kingdom in September 1999 at the Feast of Trumpets — then the millennium begins in 2000.
• Of course, you have to back up seven years for the Great Tribulation, so that means that the Rapture will occur sometime in 1993.
• The ten nations of the European Union represent the ten horns spoken of in Daniel and Revelation, even though there were 13 members in 1993 (he was able to pare that number down with some impressive mathematics). By the way, there are 26 nations in the EU now and more on the way.
• The year 2000 is the beginning of the millennium, but we don’t have to rely only on the Bible for that fact, because all the new agers and rabbis from 300 AD onward said it would happen.
• Rabbi Schneerson (April 18, 1902 - June 12, 1994) was quoted by Courson as saying that he would live to see the establishment of Messiah’s kingdom, the millennium, with his own eyes in his lifetime.

These are but a few of the nuggets of gold Mr. Courson mined out of the Scriptures for the crowd. Is it any wonder that we Christians are looked upon as a bunch of gullible half-wits, when we tell someone that Jesus died for their sins on the cross and rose from the dead, so they can live forever? That’s the problem with “crying wolf” and serving up this kind of sensationalistic slop to God’s people year after year — It may be entertaining, but Biblically illiterate Christians aren’t the only ones listening! These kinds of fairy tales get out to the general population (many times because we have passed around a tape or CD or book promoting this nonsense) and the honest inquirer is left to separate the facts of the gospel from the chaff of speculative theories and prognostications by these hucksters.

There is a way to stop these people and their creepy, cultic fascination with events that haven’t happened yet (not to mention their amnesia, when it comes to the hundreds or thousands of failed predictions they’ve made). Just say “no” to their speculation and sensationalism!

2 Timothy 4:3 For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires…

But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels. 2 Timothy 2:23

2 Timothy 1:13 Retain the standard of sound words, which you have heard from me, in the faith and love which are in Christ Jesus.